Planning a Union

Help! I'm engaged and I can't get...started! 

Planning a wedding can be stressful, especially if you haven't a clue how to get started. I wish I had someone early on in the planning process to make suggestions on how to even begin the wedding planning journey. We kind of stumbled into positive habits early on, but I definitely learned a lot in the process. Here’s some of my advice to help you start out on the right foot. There will be less room for bridal freak outs down the road, I promise.

This is for the brides/grooms who’ve never been to or in a wedding, or just weren’t paying attention throughout the process. The biggest questions my newly engaged friends ask me, is where did you start first? My answer is almost always venue, because it’s essentially the stage in the biggest production of your life, but it varies for everyone. Instead of simply stating one answer that might not fit everyone’s planning puzzle, I am going to give you five main questions my now husband and clarified before even looking at venues. Try answering these as a couple together in rapid fire- first word that comes to your mind…GO! Don’t forget the wine!

1. In your mind, what do you want the highlight of your wedding to be?

Some people might say the ceremony/reception space or the wedding dress itself, or maybe you're major foodies and that should take center stage. This is a great brainstorming exercise. Write down everything that comes to mind. You’ll more than likely differ in opinion, but that’s a good thing, it will help with question 5. This will help start the conversation around budget as well and get you both on the same page.

2. What, if any location (state, country, town, etc) is near and dear to your hearts?

Is there a family tradition of getting married at a specific venue, do you need to be near your home town, or are you the destination wedding type? Answering these questions will help with wedding location. Write down a few answers, flexibility at every stage of planning is key and it’s always good to have options. There may be a venue you love, but it’s not available on your date or doesn’t hold the amount of guests you need, so having options is good. In the end, you’ll get the place that’s right for you.

3. Make a list of everyone you could possibly invite to your wedding (parent’s friends included)

This isn’t necessarily a question, but an important part of planning none-the less. Separately, make a list of people in your lives, then review the lists together. You should see quite a few overlaps and for those singled out? Now you can go through and discuss. This shouldn’t take more than a night to complete- you’re just looking for a general number to help with the initial venue questions- trust me, most of the venue questions revolve around the guest count, so this is a critical number to pin down to help you pick the best spot

4. If we had to give our wedding a name or phrase, what would it be?

Have fun with this one!. It will help you both decide on a theme/style for the wedding. When planning our wedding, we threw out words like simple, rustic, elegant, and industrial chic (okay, I’ll be serious, I threw out most of these), but it helped to shape the whole planning process, because we knew the end result and visions we were striving for.

5. What are your absolutes?

We’re talking deal breakers here. Think about your wedding as a relationship. What are the features or qualities you feel you’re willing to bend on in a partner and what are the features you couldn’t live without? Knowing this before starting any of the planning process will help keep your priorities in check and even help you budget. For example, if you both agree having an open bar is a must, you set your budget accordingly, and maybe skimp on some of the not so important items.

6. Talk about the money

Whether you’re paying for the wedding or you have very gracious parents or family members footing the bill, it’s still important to talk budget. You don’t have to have the full budget created at this point in the process, but having an idea of what you want to and are willing to spend is very important. Once you have your total budget number, here is a great site you can use to help break down the percentages you should ideally spend per service . Again, use this as a guide, because in the end you do what you want!

Having gone through this whole process without a magical fairy god planner, I hope this exercise is helpful for you future brides and grooms. And don’t forget, make it fun! Set up a date night in with your other half, joke about how weird it is to call each other fiancé, pop a bottle or two of wine, and have fun with it. It is the biggest day of your life, but it’s just the opening act to your happily ever after.